Why Men Very Seldom Leave Wives? RelationshipOn May 11, 2021 by Helen Rogers
“Daddy decides everything at home. And it’s Mama who decides who’s Daddy.”
Men by nature are quite inert, they quickly get used to a good thing, and take a long time to wean themselves off of it. And that’s why they don’t make the decision to leave the family on emotion. Men think long and hard before they leave. And not many of them dare to do that – they usually wait until the very last moment for the woman to make the first move.
But many women think very differently after a divorce. And today I want to debunk the persistent myths about why men leave the family.
Myth one. A man leaves in order to gain his freedom
It is believed that a man sleeps and sees himself free from the bonds of marriage in order to get unlimited freedom and do what he likes. Yes, many men dream of getting rid of the care and control of his wife after another quarrel with his beloved on the theme that his friends are dearer to him than family. But, scattered with his wife in different corners, the man begins to miss his beloved, and realizes at this point that the freedom he does not need.
In fact: a man does not seek freedom after several years of marriage. He doesn’t go “nowhere,” but quite often goes to a new partner. It happens that the other woman is not ready for such a turn of events, the relationship falls apart, and the man is left alone. Or the man realizes that the new woman is not his and was just a means to get away from his wife. Therefore, such a man’s decision is long thought out, and the rear is prepared in advance.
Myth two. Man is easier to a woman goes through a divorce
You can often see a picture: a man after a divorce goes on a bender. And people around him judgementally say: “So this is what he really lacked in marriage! But it’s only a temporary reaction. And it is only because the man after a divorce has no one to support him, he is left alone with all his worries. The woman is pitied by those around her, her friends, but the man, on the contrary, is condemned. Especially if he was the initiator of the divorce.
In fact: a man has a lot of problems that he had not previously encountered. Unaccustomed to housekeeping, the man discovers that food does not cook itself, and in the refrigerator products do not appear by themselves. But a mountain of unwashed dishes and dirty socks grows surprisingly quickly. In addition, more often than not, the man moves away from his wife, and he has to settle in a new place. This means getting used to the new order and putting his things in new places.
If the decision to divorce the wife, then talk about “ease” of experience at all can not be. In this case, the situation is more traumatic – because the man did not have time to prepare the rear. And again, outwardly the man may not show it in any way: on the contrary, he may be looking for a “comforter”, but not a serious relationship.
Myth number three. A man immediately becomes an enviable fiancé for women
Now a large number of divorces occur before the age of 40. At this age a man is considered to be already established, and if he also has experience in family life – it is very attractive to women who have not had time to be married. For them, he looks just a tidbit – so it is considered in society.
In fact: there are 3 stages of women’s interest in a divorced man, and they depend on how long ago the man got divorced.
A newly divorced man needs a woman’s support, affection, sympathy. He wants to feel that he is interesting, that he can still be loved. But women at this point bypass him – except for those who agree to a fleeting relationship. But these women cannot give the man what he needs so badly at that moment. The rest of the women realize that he needs more of a vest right now, not a future spouse. Therefore, at this stage, when a man needs companionship, he remains alone.
A man gradually gets used to his new life and finds its advantages. He is no longer in such dire need of women. At this very moment, his environment – relatives, friends, begin to actively “marry” him, considering him poor and unhappy. At a time when he really needed a woman’s care, he was congratulated on his new freedom. Now that he has come to his senses and likes his present life, they start introducing him to women. And the man is lost from the abundance of attention, he does not know who to choose. Women, on the other hand, seeing that the man cannot stop his choice on anyone, leave him, tired of waiting for him to make up his mind.
At this point a man is already ready to remarry, but the women have already left him. But it is easier for him to make a choice from what he has. He knows what character traits he would not like to see in a new spouse, and therefore he is sure which woman he wants.
Finally, a little statistic:
67% of men marry again within the next 5 years after divorce. At the same time remain convinced that the first wife was better.
30% of divorced men want and try to get married, even turning to marriage agencies.
20% of divorced men make a permanent couple or don’t get married until 20 years later.
15% of men get married within 5 to 10 years of divorce.
P.S. Do you want your husband to never leave the family and for you to always be the one and only one he loves?
“Why doesn’t he leave his wife?” is a question often asked to psychologists by waiting-weary mistresses. Indeed, why? After all, he says that he loves, can not live without her, has a fervent passion for her. But continues to feed his beloved promises and … remains in the family. And so goes on for years.
It’s really quite simple. For things to stay the same, the man has good reasons. What are they?
A list of excuses.
If you listen to all the reasons that men give (or, in today’s parlance, “rub”) to his mistresses, there are several. All of them are standard and have long been known. Apparently, men have no imagination for more.
1. The wife was different, not like before. She stopped taking care of herself, she became unattractive. He and his wife had nothing in common for a long time; they are strangers and just coexist. Of course, they haven’t slept together for a long time.
This is actually a lie. Ninety percent of the time the wife is a normal, attractive woman who he sleeps with. Yes, it does not happen as often as it used to, because the family sex he got a little bored. But still marital duties he performs, as they should. It is known that the man needs novelty. The cure for boredom is his mistress: it excites him, warms his blood, with her he feels demanded, manly, desired, feels that he is still wow-how!
2. Wife does not watch the house, children, neglects household chores. She is only interested in girlfriends and work.
In fact, in most cases, the family is fine: there is a three-course meal in the fridge, the apartment is cleaned, the children are well groomed. We all know that modern women are trying to succeed on all fronts. They go to work, earn money, and work hard at home in the evenings, cooking and taking care of children.
3. “My wife is sick, I’m afraid of upsetting her. She couldn’t bear to see me go, it would kill her.”
Oh, those songs about the sick wife… In fact, the wife is alive and well. If you want to see for yourself, go up to her house or look for her page on social networks, where she is depicted in photos.
4. “I only live with her because of the kids.”
Now that might be true. Although having children won’t stop most men from divorcing if they do, indeed, decide to leave the family. It is possible to be a good father even after divorce.
5. “I will divorce when my child finishes school, graduates from college, gets a job, gets married, gets married…” (insert as appropriate).
Waiting for the child to achieve this or that can go on for years or even decades. The child has long since grown up, but he is still there, and new reasons come up.
6. The lover has to go on an important business trip (promotion, etc.), and a divorce will prevent this.
“Not a man who has a mistress, did not tell her that his wife is very good, satisfying him in bed, while being a good mother and hostess – says psychologist Victoria Fadeeva. – None. Men’s psyche is arranged so that they do not like to change, and change their lives only in one case: if they are completely satisfied with life with a woman. If a man doesn’t want to change anything, it means only one thing, that he is satisfied with everything. There is no other option. If your lover does not think it is necessary to change anything, it means that they are much more connected with his wife than with you. Each of you play your roles in this play. The most profitable role went to your man. You satisfy a lot of his needs, he has romantic sex, a fairy tale, novelty of sensations, a satisfied ego and the ability to control the situation, because at any time he can get up and leave, citing the fact that his “unloved” wife is waiting for him. And at home he gets satisfaction of another order, and that other order is just as important to him as yours. And maybe even more, since he cares about his wife’s psychological comfort, but he doesn’t care about yours. Your beautiful story about him not loving his wife is your view of the situation. It is a view from your side. You don’t see their relationship, you don’t observe them from the outside, you don’t live his that, family life…”
He’s comfortable and cozy, he has everything
And why would he want to destroy his life and go somewhere else? He has everything: a well-organized life, a home, children. When he comes home from work, his family welcomes him, and he is happy. On weekends and holidays they go to the parents with the whole family, or go with children to a museum, the skating rink. They’re doing just fine.
Yes, the man somewhat bored with family sex, he became prosaic, it lacks spice, novelty. But there is a mistress for that. She is always waiting, always glad, always ready. She carefully prepares for each date: makeup, combing her hair, fancy dress. Her eyes sparkle, she serves a beautiful dinner, then there is raucous sex with passion. Everything is great!
Why should he change anything? Why should he have to destroy his established life and take off “in a new voyage” with a lot of unknowns?
He has no good reason to get divorced. He’s happy with everything. And if so, why leave the family?
A family isn’t just love-sex-romance.
A family is more than that. It’s a shared household, friendship, trust, support. It is a history of relationships, shared memories, a common circle of communication, multiple kinships and friendships. Finally, it is a long-term habit.
Having a family, a man has a strong social position. Abandon it like this, overnight – it means to be in the void. And that is a very hard feeling.
In addition, there are a lot of official worries. How do you divide property: an apartment, a car, a summer house, a garage and much more? With whom will stay with the children? After all, they need to pay alimony, and this is a serious burden on the budget. Piled up too many problems, the man turns away from them, he does not need them. It’s easier to come up with an excuse for his beloved, and to close the matter for some time.
Of course, coming up with reasons why he can’t leave the family, the man realizes that he is cheating his mistress. This makes it hard for him, in his heart he worries. Then he begins to deceive himself, saying to himself, “Someday later I will do it. I will…”. He invents for himself some deadlines and keeps pushing them back. It seems to him that he is not deceiving anybody, but the objective circumstances somehow interfere.
How to get out of the vicious circle?
So the man has no incentive to leave the family. On the one hand, he has a stormy sex, vivid emotions, a woman in love with him. On the other hand, he has a home and a stable family life. Why would he suddenly give it all up?
If his mistress had set him a condition: “Divorce or it’s over!” then he would think twice.
But this can only be done when passions are still strong, when they boil and boil. During this period, the man is in love, he has lost his head from the attraction, the novelty. This usually happens in the first year of the relationship. And then the usual routine begins to creep up. Even if the relationship continues to exist, they become more mundane, ordinary, is not so exciting.
So if the lover, really, realized that this is the man of her life and she wants to be with him until the end, she has to put him on condition and a strict deadline: “If you want to be with me, first divorce. Now go away. I give you two months to make a decision and get it done. Otherwise it’s over, and don’t come back.”
And close the door behind him. Don’t return his calls, text messages, cross him out of your contacts.
Under no circumstances should not let him near you – in any way! If only a woman can not stand the separation and break down, let him back to her – all is lost. The man will understand that she will always forgive him and accept him.
Such a connection can drag on for years and break a woman’s life. She will lose a few years, grow old, become rancid. It can take a long time to regain her sanity.
According to statistics, 85 percent of unfaithful husbands are not going to leave the family, according to psychologist Natalia Mikhailova. Other experts give the following figure: only 12% of unfaithful husbands divorce their wives and marry their mistresses. It turns out that only one in seven or eight men is ready to start building a new life for his beloved.
And what about those women who are not so lucky (mistresses) ?
“Statistics show that if a man does not change anything in his life within a year of the start of romantic meetings, then with a probability of 99% of this mistress, he does not want to build a relationship – continues Victoria Fadeeva. – Love story of more than a year is unlikely to have a serious continuation. What to do? Change the behavioral scenario. Stop being “good”. State your rights, set boundaries, put conditions. If your man really cares about you, he will take responsibility for the decision and stop living in two houses. Putting conditions, be consistent, do not compromise, think about yourself and your future.
Mistresses often hear how wonderful they are, how much better than the wives that men have to live with, suffer and suffer every day. That, only now having met her, he realized that he was the one who had been waiting for her all his life and was now living for real. But for some reason, despite all this, they do not leave the family, continuing to “sit on two chairs”. What are the reasons why men who have mistresses and are so “suffering” from family life do not leave, what are the reasons that stop them from taking this step?