Is This Cheating: Relationship With a Married ManOn July 22, 2021 by Helen Rogers
How do you know if you’re wasting your time?
There are many different opinions about mistresses, most of which don’t bode well for a relationship with a married man. But girls fall into the trap of hoping again and again for a happy life with a lover who is about to break up with his wife. Let’s figure out together why this dream is not destined to come true and why women agree to be in the background.
There are many different opinions about mistresses, most of which do not promise anything good from a relationship with a married man.
In order to understand why men cheat and have mistresses, it is necessary to understand what the concepts of a beloved wife and a woman on the side mean to them. Ideal for men mistress is represented with an easy character and sexually liberated. While the wife, in the opinion of the stronger half, should be caring, homemaker and faithful.
Men and women have learned the model of behavior by being in the family bonds, and society has helped them in this. A hostess and mother should not be lecherous by social standards, if only because she may not have the energy and time to do so. But even all this does not mean that she is guilty of adultery. Before cheating, a man has two options for the situation. The first involves an honest conversation about his feelings, needs, relationship with his wife, and solving the problem, and the second is to find the missing emotion in the marriage somewhere on the side.
The second way seems easier and more profitable. By keeping the marriage, you can get everything you want, just from different women. That’s how the problem seems to be solved. The mistress is always dressed up, gives a lot of affection and looks into her mouth with adoration. A delicious meal, carefully ironed shirts and cuddling children are waiting at home. An insidious game of deceit, where he is the only winner. The mistress receives only a portion of the benefits. Depending on her needs, this may be sex, attention from the chosen one, a material component in the form of gifts, money or paid entertainment. The girl is forced to dream of more and wait for the cherished moment when her lover will leave the family for her. But what is the likelihood of that happening?
Men and women have learned a pattern of behavior by being in the family bond, and society has helped them do it
How do you know there won’t be a divorce?
- He talks to his wife a lot
If your chosen one promises to leave his wife, but spends a lot of time with her, and sometimes even more than with you, he will never leave her for you. Most likely, the current situation is completely satisfied with him.
- He scolds his wife
You should not be happy if a man calls his wife by the last words, scolds her and condemns her. This does not guarantee his hatred for her. Perhaps in this way he is trying to please you more, showing that you are more important to him. In that case, no matter what he says, he won’t leave his spouse for you.
- He’s not interested in your life
When a man is only interested in sex and everything to do with it, and not at all interested in the parts of your life where there is your family, work, children, parents, vacations and affairs – he will never leave his wife for you. He is definitely not ready to dive into your world and take responsibility.
- Forbidden subject
Talking about your future relationship and joint plans for the future is taboo for him. He promotes the idea of living in the moment, communication here and now. He does not like to get ahead of himself and does not promise anything. If there is no specifics about your future, it is a bad sign. Most likely, the man is not willing and not going to change anything.
- Words of love
Talking about feelings for men means a transition to the next level, as well as more responsibility. If your partner doesn’t reveal his soul, he doesn’t see a future with you. But if you have a different type of man in front of you, namely seducers, then he will confess his eternal fidelity on the first date. Such people easily throw words around, just to get what they want.
- Commitment to your children
There are many cases in which husbands do not break up the marriage, so that their children do not grow up in a single-parent family. This reason is not as strong if the lover really wants to leave. For example, he may be a wonderful Sunday dad. Therefore, this reason can be another excuse tied to the children.
- Divorce is prevented by circumstances
Even if your chosen one loves you, there is no way he can leave the family. For this there will be many excuses. Wife is ill, the children are too young, the long process of dividing the property – and this is only one hundredth of what they hear the mistresses. The male victim is capable of feeding you breakfasts for decades.
- Getting to know your friends and family
When a man is serious, he dedicates the people close to him to his plans. But if your lover does not introduce you to relatives or friends, it means that he is not planning a dramatic change in the family situation. If the man introduced you to friends, look first at them. Perhaps they all have mistresses, and you risk staying in that role for a long time.
When you state your desire to change from mistress to girlfriend or legal wife status, he starts a scandal where he accuses you of various sins. “Don’t you like our life?”, “Do you want to ruin our idyll?” and other phrases saying that you are being manipulated. In this way, the man is clearly letting you know that he won’t change anything.
- Sex and nothing too much
Hot sex, a storm of emotions, excitement and ecstasy. And then the unconcealed desire to leave and end communication as soon as possible. All this is inherent in a man who is in a warm relationship with his wife. Perhaps she is not only a wife to him, but also a friend and even an ally. He does not want to allow a higher vibration between you during a meeting, because he feels guilty before his wife. And he is only interested in you as an object of sexual gratification.
- He is dependent on his wife
Your chosen one carries lunches in a container, his shirts are clean and pressed, and it smells like home. You can thank your wife for that. Such wives are more difficult to leave than the most luxurious mistress. That is why he is more likely to leave you than to destroy the family.
When you declare your desire to change the position of a mistress to the status of a girlfriend or lawful wife, he begins a scandal where he accuses you of various sins
- Long-Term Investments
Planning a joint future with a woman, the male representative also assumes spending on her. When you do not appear in his expenses, it means that the official marriage with him is an ephemeral concept.
Promises to divorce for more than a year.
Statistics say that if a man does not leave you in 3 months from the beginning of your relationship, or exactly one year – it will never happen. When you’ve been fed promises for over a year, that time speaks for itself. Your story won’t have a happy ending, at least not the one you dream of.
For what reasons can a man leave you for someone else?
So, we’ve figured out why husbands would never leave their family for a mistress. But why do some still leave? There are some reasons:
- The habit of living independently.
- When a husband is away from his wife for a long time for whatever reason. Long shifts, obliging work, certain circumstances. The man sort of weaning himself off married life. In this case, he finds another woman to build a new life with her.
- Lack of attention
- No matter how strong a man is, he needs care and attention. When care at the domestic level is not enough, you want to feel loved and needed. Not getting proper attention, the husband will tend to get it from another woman. With a further trend of behavior of an unconcerned spouse, the man will leave.
- A bad relationship with his wife.
If the relationship with the spouse has long been bad, there is no love, and quarrels
Causes of conflict in a couple are a habitual component, the mistress will be a real salvation for the spouse in an unhappy marriage. In such a situation, the new woman becomes a decisive step for him to divorce.
After cheating in the relationship, trust is lost, comes resentment and jealousy. Sooner or later the family falls apart. And if the husband at the same time had a mistress, he will go to her to heal his wounds.
The mistress is like a wife
Especially if the new passionate woman is younger and reminds him of his beloved wife in his youth. And the win-win option will be the one who, all other similarities aside, will be superior to his wife in some way. She may cook better or be more passionate. In most cases husbands go to such women.
It turns out that there are fewer reasons to break up with his wife. Each case is different, but statistics show that only 5% of men choose to stay with their mistress. The other 95% of cheaters choose not to leave their family.
Learn more about married man and why men very seldom leave wives.
If you really want something more from the union with a married man, it is better not to torment yourself and end the relationship yourself. After the breakup, don’t get your hopes up that after losing you, he will come to his senses and make a decision in your favor. Even an abrupt departure from his life will not change his attitude towards the family. Also, your absence will not mean that he does not care. During a breakup with a mistress, a man experiences certain feelings.
These are usually:
- Feelings of guilt for paying little attention to the girl, for long delays in promises;
- Anger at her for not appreciating his attention, gifts and his feelings for her;
- Feelings of incomprehension. He feels like he is misunderstood by everyone. First his wife and now his mistress;
- A wounded ego. He would like to make the decision to break up on his own, and didn’t expect to be left behind;
- Feelings of hopelessness. The man thought she was the only one who understood him, she was comfortable with him, she was a refuge. He is lost.
After a breakup, it is important not to fall for provocation and attempts to get it all back. The former lover may use again his usual promises, manipulation. He will constantly remind you of himself. If you do not want to continue the same game where you will be his secret lover with no prospects, there is no need to go to him. Train your willpower, pump up your self-respect and try to break up with the man. Then you are sure to meet a free man with whom you will have the same views and lifestyle. But before you dive into a new relationship, be sure to read our article on how to distinguish physical attraction from love.
After a breakup, it’s important not to be tempted by provocation and attempts to get back together.
If you are just thinking of getting into a secret relationship and still can’t decide if you need it. Especially for you, we have prepared some arguments for and against.
The disadvantages of a love affair on the side include a futile future. Expecting that a love triangle will one day turn into a happy couple only grates on your nerves. In addition, you will have to constantly hide from prying eyes, to celebrate the holidays without him, to be jealous of his wife. No matter how passionate your relationship in the beginning, after a while there will be addiction and want more.
But the advantages of an affair with a married man is not a few. First, married men are healthier. And the likelihood of contracting infectious diseases is relatively lower. A married lover is easier to excite and turn on. An affair with an unmarried man gives you complete freedom in your personal life. You can go to expensive restaurants, dress in expensive clothes, communicate with different men. In his free time you can do whatever you want. And also there is no domesticity, cooking and laundry.
Only you can decide what carries more weight for you. The pluses of the relationship or still the minuses. Remember that an affair with a married man lasts from two to five years. Even in such a relationship people can get tired of moving in a vicious circle. And whether the game is worth the candle is up to you to decide.