Problems with HusbandOn March 3, 2021 by Helen Rogers
Psychologists say that in the life of a man, there are three periods when he is inclined to leave the family.
Problems with husbands sometimes arise from nothing. It seemed like a normal family, lived on the beaten track, without quarrels: home, work, children… And then suddenly: packed up and left. Why?
This question plagues many abandoned wives. Men explain everything by routine. But it sounds somehow unconvincing. But there is one pattern – the age of prodigal husbands. Most often they break up with the family and start a new one around 30, around 40 – 45 and 50 years old.
The professor of psychology and sexuality, Inna Chori, says that these are the crucial years in males. At these three ages, some of them have an acute desire to change. But if you care about your husband, it is possible to prevent leaving, I am sure the psychologist.
28 – 32 years
Stopped liking skinny.
Irina and Evgeny got married when they were both 23 years old. At 25, Ira gave birth to her first, at 28 – to her second child. She stayed at home with children and did not go out in the world, Zhenya worked hard. And he earned very good money. When the little one was a year old, Zhenya packed his things and left to live with his parents. He came over once a week, brought food and money. And then he left again.
Irina had no idea what the shrink told her afterwards at the training – around thirty the erotic behavior of males can change drastically. I like blondes instead of brunettes, instead of skinny – chubby. And his suggestions to grow fat (lose weight), repaint, change your style of dress should be taken very seriously. Listen to the wishes and agree to change.
- Exactly, he asked several times: “Ira, why don’t you grow your hair out? Maybe you should change your hair color? Blond would suit you… Let’s go buy you a dress…” I did not pay attention to the fact that short hair is more comfortable, and a dress when walking with two kids – it is uncomfortable, jeans are much more practical,” Ira recalled later.
She listened to the coach’s advice. Gray bob on her head was replaced in a few months by a short, but blonde haircut, were bought dresses with cleavage, proper bras and high heels. All in all, blossomed. Called recently, shared: her husband is back, all is well.
Change at least the appearance will have to, by the way, the rest of his life to deceive the male polygamy.
- Men, they are so organized: she changed her dress and shoes – already another, changed her hair also, turned on a playful mood – that’s all, a new woman in his house – says the coach.
35 – 45 years
I’m still so damn young!
At this age, men are re-evaluating the achievements.
- The first signs of this condition – a man changes his behavior, – says psychologist. – He begins to look younger, update his closet and perfume, begins to listen to different music in the car. Started Casanova syndrome. For the man now it is important to prove that he is still very, very much in every way! And the wife in distinction from the rest of the women does not look at it with rapture … This call is in any case do not miss it! Get married with him! Spend all your free time with him, don’t leave him alone. If you do not want to lose your man, agree to his erotic fantasies, even in role-playing games. And keep in mind – almost no man is not able to leave the family if his wife will not let go!
Here are my buddies – Misha and Lena. When he was forty, Misha – financier, respectable family man and father of two children – suddenly became involved with a colleague, a young lady and a cheerful. And his wife Lena at a family dinner with meatballs said: everything, I’m leaving, I’ve had enough! I even slammed my fist down on the table.
At 35-45 years old man starts to look younger, update closet and tries to prove to himself and others his worth.
But he did not leave. There was no second apartment, and Lena did not kick him out of the one she had. She looked at him longingly and grieved for a good year. And then suddenly started arranging her personal life. She got so involved that Misha told me later:
- It’s like she’s changed. Laughing all the time. She used to walk around the house in her robe, and if she had to go to the store, she’d wear sweatpants and sneakers. Now she’s all dressed up. She likes someone…
Anyway, now Misha is worried. He is looking for a way to “start all over again” with the new Lena. And Lena wonders if she needs the old Misha.
Here’s to 45
This age is the easiest in terms of psychology. The children have grown up, the nest is empty. It’s time to strike a balance, to understand what he has achieved, because further career, if it will go, then crawl, not as at thirty.
- At this age, sex is no longer in first place for men. Spiritual closeness is more important to them. And if his wife has become a relative, if she has become a friend, he is unlikely to leave her, even if he is in love with a younger woman. It is frightening to lose stability, domestic and psychological, among other things. But if the kinship is not achieved, alas, the man does not see the point in such a family – explains Inna.
And what if the wife at this age finds out about the cheating? I observed such a pair of acquaintances on vacation. Valya read the message of his mistress, while Sergei washed in the shower. It was in early summer in Cyprus, in the 25th anniversary of marriage – a marriage that seemed to all indestructible. For a month I wept and wore sunglasses, hiding the circles under my eyes. He hovered around her like a moth: “Valyusha, maybe some water? Valyusha, maybe you should get an umbrella, the ultraviolet is so harmful!”
- It’s too late for me to take care of my young skin! – She snidely retorted.
A couple of months passed. Valya underwent psychotherapy – she was taught how to forgive her husband. Marriage again seems perfect outwardly. After all, Valya still loves Sergei. Sergei is now silky, rushes home after work, promises to take her to Cuba next spring.
In general, indeed, in all the couples where the man did leave the family, there was a point: the wife herself let go. And those wives who brought the prodigal back into the family understood that if she married, she was on the warpath. And the wealthier and more successful the husband, the harder the war will be.
I have a similar situation. My husband came to the first frontier. He left. Hasn’t lived with me for a month. Says he cannot be with me. It is hard. He says I have to change. At the same time he does not want to work on himself, he only has complaints to me. I am also dissatisfied with many things, to which he told me, “If you’ve married, bear with me.Tatiana
It has been accepted that men change after marriage, no courtship, flowers, candy, movies and theaters, etc. I think it’s often not about the man, it’s about the fact that the woman herself begins to consider all this nonsense and a waste of money, which is what she tells her husband. The item of the program is done, a check mark is put in the form of a stamp in the passport, move on to another item, career, children, apartment, cottage, car … And then surprise and tears, he left me for someone else or he doesn’t pay attention to me at all. You yourself do not change, remain a bride, and her husband will be the same, will care and give flowers!George
For a man not to want to leave a woman, two factors must be met:
1) A man should marry her BY HIS HOT WANT (not by her).
2) The woman must not get on a man’s nerves.
And all other factors (the presence or absence of attractive appearance, ability or inability to run a household, the presence or absence of children, etc.) for a man does not matter and can not keep him.Simple man
Approached the first milestone. Sometimes it is hard. Many things have changed, goals, views, tastes. I have a car, an apartment, and a good job. We live well. I often spoil my children and wife. But my wife became cold to me. She says she loves me and cannot live without me, but the intimacy is less and less. Frustrating, all kinds of thoughts come to mind bad. Often depressions, fear appeared. Thoughts just can’t be expelled. She is young and beautiful. She’s a great hostess. Of course, I cherish her, because I love her. But it’s hard in a marriage without intimacy. I feel something’s wrong. What’s wrong? What should I do next? Pretend everything’s okay? Just be patient and see what happens? But that’s a lie! And lying to yourself and your family is the last thing you want to do.Yaroslav, 29
Men have been positioned in various women’s shows lately as mindless pet animals that women have to endlessly please, make something up to keep them interested, etc. And what about men themselves? Rarely do any of them fight for their woman, they think that once she’s married to him and has kids, she’s not going anywhere.Marta
Lived with my husband for 30 years. Conclusions: 1. Everyone cheats, everyone, believe me. 2. If he wants to leave – there is nothing to keep him, but as a rule (according to statistics), women are the first to file for divorce, by the way, often later regret about it. 3. Why change the bastard for a bastard, his own already home, and the new will come – a stranger, to him still have to get used to, and whether he will find a common language with children (if any). 4. And who said it will be easy? Family – a daily struggle, do not learn how to maneuver, not to notice, to forgive, tolerate – will live alone, and who likes what, let him choose for himself.Guest
I wonder why it is always only woman everything should, should? I’ve been married for almost 40 years, and now I do not understand what I liked about him then? But I still love my husband, we are like family, and I don’t understand how I could leave him! And men at 30, 40, 50, etc… they leave all the same, whatever the reason! They want to be younger, or something else does not suit them. Mine at age 30 started virtual love affairs, but it was all in front of my eyes, in the company, so I was able to stop it all! And you know how, I just made all his friends fall in love with me! And his crush showed him in all its glory! And he understood everything very quickly! And on our 25th wedding anniversary he said that I was the best! In every way! So be able to stand up for yourself!Masha
My darling started cheating on me at 33 with a young woman (even a child – she was 23). I cried, begged him to change his mind – but no… He lied, told me that he had left her, and I, of course, believed him. And then I pulled myself together, started working on myself and… found herself a lover seven years younger. My husband walks on his hind legs – no matter how you turn it, they feel it.Sweetie