How to Understand That You Are a “Back-Up” in RelationshipOn April 14, 2021 by Helen Rogers
And what to do to get rid of the temporary option reckoning
When you like someone enough to connect with them, but not enough to build a relationship with them, you leave them on the bench. You don’t let them go far, but you don’t let them get close either. Everyone’s long-known type of toxic relationship is called a new term: banching. Banchiers need attention, they compensate for their own loneliness with bonds in which they keep their partner on a short leash.
We often think that behind a new relationship there is a budding love. But time goes by, and there is still no development in the relationship. In this situation, it is difficult to admit to ourselves that we are seen as a fallback. Why is this happening? Let’s figure it out together.
We often feel like there’s a budding love behind a new relationshipWe often feel like there’s a budding love behind a new relationship
What is the reason for banching?
A relationship with a bencher never reaches the serious stage. He easily changes plans for the evening, leaving his partner alone. Ruins the lover’s schedule by suddenly showing up at a convenient time. The answer to the question of why he wants this relationship is correctly to say that he longs to feel wanted and desirable. Like an emotional vampire, he subscribes to the admiration of others. And the essence of the manipulator’s behavior is control and the ability to leave the choice to himself.
A relationship with a bencher never reaches the serious stageA relationship with a bencher never reaches the serious stage
Signs of a bencher
He warns about it in advance
It’s cool when a partner is honest with you. The other thing is how you take such candor. Imagine being told you don’t want anything serious, and you romanticize the situation and expect something you weren’t promised. If your actions sound realistic, it’s worth wondering if you’re prepared for the fact that the person won’t change his mind in such a situation.
If the person is not interested, he takes no initiative. All he has to do is either respond to your meeting offers or not. If the relationship scenario between you is similar to this one, it indicates one-sidedness and therefore an unhealthy approach.
Ignoring for a long time does not bode well. While you’re waiting for a call or message to be answered, it’s quite possible that your young man is busy looking for another relationship.
Not a word about feelings
In any relationship, after a while the partners understand each other’s feelings. They may not say the cherished words, but they apply other love languages. And if in a relationship for a long time you are not told how you feel, not using any of the possible ways of expression, it shows that you are not serious.
No joint plans
You are definitely seen as a backup when they don’t discuss shared plans, or don’t consider your desires when planning a future life.
He’s constantly bringing up his previous relationships
You are a temporary vest for sad memories. This is a trap. You may even fall for it and comfort your man. But once he feels better, the pain subsides, and the longing for love is gone, he will stop needing comforting accompaniment.
Thinks of you when he needs you
Bencher does think about you. But only when it suits him. Dating at your initiative is a rare event. Meetings only at his suggestion – an excuse to rethink your relationship.
Your life is not of interest to him
Your personal life, plans and dreams are not on the list of things he wants to take with him into the future. Since he is not sure if you will be together or if he will find someone else.
Lack of support
Just like a friend is known in trouble, a boyfriend you love is known in difficult situations. If he doesn’t give you signs of attention and support, he probably isn’t interested in you and isn’t willing to work hard for you.
He suffers from ego
He’s pleased with himself, he feels in charge of the couple and he enjoys the fact that someone is always thinking about him. There is nothing surprising here; banching is peculiar to narcissists.
He never writes first
When a partner has feelings, he is always looking for opportunities to communicate with the one he loves. But if the person does not make an effort, it indicates his indifference toward his partner and a desire to break the relationship.
Bencher will pretend to be interested, but will never say it directly. It is more pleasant for him to hear it from a fool in love with him than to say something nice himself.
If you began to doubt your partner’s sincerity long before you started reading our article, it means that your internal radar is not failing you. Perhaps your subconscious is sounding the alarm and signaling the danger. Will you listen?
When a partner has feelings, he is always looking for opportunities to communicate with his loved oneWhen a partner has feelings, he is always looking for opportunities to communicate with his loved one
How to get rid of a banger and a toxic relationship
Analyze his behavior.
Do few of his words match his actions? He says he likes you and then cancels the meeting. Sometimes actions speak for themselves. And all we have to do is believe them.
Get him to have an honest conversation.
A bencher may not like the offer to talk straight. He’ll probably be shy and nervous. But he’ll have to be honest about his plans for your future together. If it doesn’t involve a happy ending, try to understand him and be grateful for the bitter, but still truth.
The functionality of all messengers and social networks is able to blacklist the contact of a dishonest suitor. Deservedly send your ex to ignore, and bravely forget about him like a bad dream.
Bencher may not like the offer to talk straightBencher may not like the offer to talk straight
Put your life first. You don’t have to rush out on a date and cancel a meeting with friends. Don’t go along with a person when you don’t feel comfortable accepting their proposal.
Designate personal boundaries. Your partner should treat you with respect and make an effort to be a part of your life. Not the other way around! Don’t sacrifice yourself. Remember that there are situations where when you say one “yes” to someone, you say one “no” to yourself. Remember that expression, and never do that again.
Find out how you feel
Think about what a perfect happy relationship is for you. Visualize the guy of your dreams. Visualize as clearly as possible the details of the union that will be right for you.
To cope with an unpleasant type of relationship like a banchig, you need to have the rod to stand up for yourself and the willpower to break up with a man. We believe that you will definitely be able to keep only the most loving people in your life. We hope our article will help you break this vicious cycle of toxic relationships and breathe an air of warmth and freedom.