A Pause in a Relationship: How to Do It RightOn August 17, 2021 by Helen Rogers
We tell you how to take a break in a relationship so as not to ruin everything
All fans of the TV series “Friends” remember the eternal argument about whether or not the main characters Ross and Rachel had a break, and whether or not they could therefore sleep with others during that time. We’re not on the show, so there’s no way to call a situation where a guy or girl offers to take a break from a relationship comical. Today we in invme will tell you what a relationship break means, what it can lead to and how you should behave.
The first and main advice – try not to throw tantrums and emotional clarifications of the relationshipFirst and main advice – try not to throw tantrums and emotional clarifications of the relationship
Partner suggested to take a break in the relationship: how to behave?
The first and main advice – try not to throw tantrums and emotional clarifications. Take this information calmly, no matter how difficult it was. Most likely this situation did not arise in one day, and you have previously understood that everything is going to break up or forever, or for a while. It is rare for one partner to change, to treat the other differently, and for the other partner to not notice anything at all. What you didn’t want to notice is another matter entirely.
After you hear the phrase that your boyfriend or girlfriend wants to take a break, ask why they made that decision. What do they mean by it – to break up for a couple of days or a couple of months? Staying silent and pretending that nothing happened and you’re not at all disturbed is as silly as getting hysterical and figuring out who’s right and who’s wrong in high tones.
Why pause in the relationship?
Every relationship has its own reason why a couple decides to pause in a relationship. Let’s look at the main ones:
Pause as a way out of conflict
If there is a strong quarrel between lovers, often a break for a while is seen as the only true option for resolving such a situation. Of course, in this case, we are not talking about a break lasting several months. But 5-10 days is quite enough for the emotions to subside, and you were able to discuss everything with a cool head.
The reaction to the betrayal
When someone in a couple finds out about cheating, for almost everyone, the first reaction is to end the relationship right away. But some people decide to take a break and think about what happened, and to not see or hear from the person who hurt and wounded them so much for a while. Then it all depends on how events unfold. Whether one agrees to forgive and the other agrees to earn that forgiveness.
Some people deliberately ask for a pause in a relationship to show their partner who is in charge in their relationship. Such a person expects to be forced to go back and do things the way they want. This is a clear sign that the relationship is unhealthy and that the partner is better off getting out of it right away instead of continuing to be together with the manipulator and someone who does not value him or his feelings.
When a couple has reached an impasse
When a relationship has turned solely into scandals and endless relationship clarification, the only option for many will be to take a break. Such a break can really do you good if you realize that everyone needs to be alone with themselves, step back and make a further decision on whether or not the relationship is worth fighting for.
When a couple’s relationship turns into a routine where nothing at all changes from day to day and nothing happens, a guy and a girl may want to separate for a while so that they can either re-enter the relationship with renewed vigor or put a stop to it.
Find out how you will feel if you break up
This is often the last step before breaking up permanently, when partners want to find out how they will live without each other. How hard it can be, how long it will take to get used to it. Also, it often happens that it is easier for a man and a woman to pretend at first that they are breaking up for a while, just taking a pause, than to admit that it really is the end.
Because it’s scary to say you want to break up
This is probably one of the main reasons why partners decide to pause. As if to think and make a decision. But in reality, it’s because they’re just afraid to admit to each other (and often to themselves) that it’s time to end the relationship, rather than being together because of habit or some similar reason.
Does that mean it’s over?
We have to say right away that in most cases it is. Because when things are good between partners, it is unlikely that either of them will consider taking a break. In a healthy and strong relationship, all issues are resolved through conversations, not pauses that can drag on for weeks, months, or forever.
But even here, there are exceptions. True, they can only happen if you really value each other and after a break you realized that you want to be together. For this to happen, both of you need to take the following steps:
- Take this break as an opportunity to rest and be alone with yourself
- Evaluate everything that is happening, analyze the relationship
- Miss each other
- See if you really need each other
- Think about how to build your future
- Recharge emotionally
- Feel the power of your love, and come to the conclusion that it is real love, not a habit or comfort.
When things are good between partners, it is unlikely that either of them will think about taking a breakWhen things are good between partners, it is unlikely that either of them will think about taking a break
How long should a break in a relationship last?
The most important thing to remember when you decide to take a break in a relationship is to outline how long it will last. Because if you agree to a week or a maximum of ten days and your partner insists on a month or more, think about how much he needs you if he’s willing to put your relationship on pause for that long.
More often than not, a maximum of two weeks is enough time to figure things out, accept and decide. If you’re going to be separated for months, the chances are too high that you’ll never get back together.
Remember that the decision to take a break should come from both parties, because otherwise, when one wants to and the other just agrees, it’s already turning into a certain amount of emotional abuse.
What to do during a pause in a relationship?
Separate into different territories. You’re unlikely to get a real pause if you continue to live in the same apartment. Someone (or both) needs to go away for the duration of the pause.
Try to communicate less. To really sort yourself out, understand your feelings and realize that you have real feelings for your partner and miss him, you should stop communicating for the duration of the break.
Put yourself first, finally. Maybe you got bogged down in the home and forgot about your hobbies and interests. Think about what you like to do, what you enjoy and what gives you joy.
Analyze yourself and your behavior in the relationship. Put aside all the claims in relation to your partner and focus on what applies only to you. Think about what you did wrong, what conflicts arose through your fault. Maybe you often criticized your partner, complained constantly, or weren’t interested in his or her life?
How do you start a new relationship after a break?
Set a specific date and arrange to meet, for example, at your favorite restaurant. Calmly discuss there everything you felt during this time when your relationship was on hiatus. Share the thoughts that came to your mind, discuss what you need to change.
Ask each other the ultimate question: do we want to move forward together or do we need to break up for good? If you both want to continue, then you need to try to get through this difficult time for your couple together.
If already during this meeting you realized how much you missed your partner, how much you want to embrace him or her and are definitely ready to fight for the sake of the relationship – this is a great sign that things will most likely work out for you.
If the relationship did end: a psychologist’s opinion
If you never managed to save the relationship and survive the break, do not fall into despair. No matter how hard it was for you, remember that these sufferings are temporary. And this means that somewhere waiting for you man, with whom everything will work out. Here is the opinion of the famous psychologist Michael Labkovsky:
“It is forbidden to even mentally utter the phrase ‘I was abandoned.’ This is a shift to the position of the victim, the object, the subject. You are two adults who are capable of acting – you have not abandoned anyone. You were broken up.
It never happens that two people live soul to soul and without the slightest sign of any problems, one of the partners decides to leave. It just doesn’t happen that way. If he fell in love with someone else, he fell out of love with you before that. That’s an important thought, and I wish every woman going through a breakup understood that.
And that’s what you have to start from. If he doesn’t love you anymore, why do you need him? Why do you need a man who does not want to spend time with you, who has become uninterested in your life, who does not want to take part in your affairs, who have nothing to say to you?
Of course, the first time after a breakup you will have a hard time. This is normal, divorce is considered the second in depth trauma after the death of a loved one. Give yourself a year. In about that time your psyche will “digest” the stress, you will be ready to move on.
It’s not your fault. You didn’t scare him off by coming out of the bathroom without makeup. You cooked normally, you have a normal figure, you have a normal character, everything is normal with you. Do not allow the vicious thought of “If I had behaved differently, everything could be different. Absolutely not! You are who you are, you are you and no one else. A man loves a woman as a whole, all of her, without dividing her by her cooking skills or the length of her legs. Don’t try to “learn lessons” and change yourself after a breakup, because that’s violence against yourself.